I have heard from many that relationships and love can be tested as a medical student. My wife and I married right before medical school started and our relationship has strengthened me through the rigors of medical school. We have had a different journey than most and I hope to share some wisdom that can benefit other medical students in a loving relationship.
It was a calm, autumn day as I was transitioning to my second year of medical school. I had just finished summer clinicals and was heading into my second year of didactic learning. During a campus meeting to discuss how clinicals went for the class, my wife called. She was 22 weeks pregnant at the time, and I was looking forward to hearing how her day was at work but had to text her that I was in a meeting and would call as soon as it ended. She immediately called back, informing me she had been admitted to the hospital for high blood pressure, which was concerning for her and our baby. I had so many emotions in that moment: feeling overwhelmed with school, fear of the unknown, but, more than anything, I wanted to make sure my wife was safe. Little did I know this phone call would be just the beginning of a new chapter for our relationship. The continuous balancing act and routine I built as a loving partner for my wife and as a medical student was unexpectedly flipped upside down.
Thankfully, I was able to work with the faculty at Medical College of Wisconsin–Central Wisconsin and reschedule my commitments for a later date so I could go to the hospital. My wife and our unborn baby were doing well. She was discharged two days later and advised to be on bed rest. While she was on bed rest, I did as much as I could to help her through this difficult time both mentally and physically. After 10 days of bed rest, she had an appointment with her doctor and was abruptly admitted again. This time, she was admitted “indefinitely.” At this point in my medical school career, we were doing clinical and academic courses simultaneously. My wife and I were also enjoying the journey as a newly married couple, expecting our first child.
Our new home became her hospital room, and my new bed was the beloved “dad couch.” After a month of sleeping on the “dad couch,” I feel qualified to give it a 3 out of 10 for comfort. I struggled to see my wife go through the mental and physical pain she endured day after day, while I felt overwhelmed with didactic lectures mixed with STEP studying, volunteering as a football coach, and interspaced clinical rotations. I allowed these feelings to build because I didn’t want to burden her any more than she already was. As the weeks went by, I noticed I was worn down and not communicating well with her. My wife and I learned through this journey how important strong communication is to love and a successful relationship. We made it a point to be upfront with our feelings and set aside dedicated time to discuss our days. This created a deeper connection during one of the most difficult times we both have encountered.
At 30 weeks and 2 days gestation, our baby boy was born. It was a wild ride. During the delivery, I had a growing curiosity as a medical student, watching the process, along with an intense amount of adrenaline coursing through my circulation system. But I knew I needed to be a husband first. It was an eye-opening experience being on the patient side, as I have seen multiple deliveries as a student. After experiencing labor, I realized I had not previously understood or given the respect needed for the roller coaster of emotions that labor brings. Interestingly, right before our son was born, the hospital team had hoped my wife could carry our baby until he was 34 weeks. His placenta had decided otherwise. At this point, our lives felt like we were floating in the ocean just trying to overcome the waves that kept coming as the rigor of medical school continued.
Throughout this journey, I grew close to many faculty members and students at my Medical College of Wisconsin - Central Wisconsin campus who gave my family incredible support. I am someone who does not like to burden others for help but have learned “it takes a village.” Please do not feel you are burdening those around you when you need help!
I remember the night before a musculoskeletal exam, my wife was rushed to a delivery room because it looked as if our son would be born soon. I frantically emailed the coordinators, afraid of how they would respond. I was extremely thankful they understood my situation. My wife and I were blessed to have our family nearby and are so thankful for everything they did for us during this journey. As traumatic as the journey was, we grew closer, surrounded by supportive family and friends. Our son was in the NICU for 56 days, which was another trial for us, but we knew how to face each “high and low” as a team.
Now, our boy is healthy, growing so fast, and it is spectacular to see him learn something new every week. My wife and I overcame and learned so much about ourselves and each other through the last year; some may say too much at this point in our lives. All jokes aside, we have strengthened our relationship because we understand each other more deeply through improved communication and emotional intelligence. Our thoughts have such an impact on our overall wellbeing and ability to be there for others. This has allowed us to take every challenge life brings with grace, knowing we can overcome any obstacle in our new family’s way.
Alec Hafferman is a second-year medical student at Medical College of Wisconsin-Central Wisconsin in Wausau. He was raised in Edgar, in rural, Central Wisconsin. He has been enjoying taking walks outside in the spring with his family as well as watching basketball.
By Michael Kofi Esson
She pulls me close, whispers in my ear, “Alliza,” a spell,
Leaving me lost in a daze.
A goddess enthroned, lightning and thunder bow—
Angels ascend at the mere mention of her name,
Descending from a kingdom by the sea, in her starry eyes there is no escape,
Claiming my mortal soul, she forever reigns.
Angels high above, and demons down below conspire,
A symphony of envy, echoing in a celestial choir,
Mortal men fall at her feet—a battle ground for the soul of the irresistible Alliza,
Time ticks and tocks, narrating tales of the mysterious Alliza,
Morning fades into midnight, bringing me dreams of the beautiful Alliza.
Whispers of wind sneaks through my window,
Carrying secrets from the enchanting Alliza,
Thoughts float like a gentle breeze over a field of dandelions—
Captivated by the mesmerizing Alliza.
Then, in the hush of midnight, a touch; a shower of emotions pours,
My heart’s desire—to love and be loved by the breathtaking Alliza,
In the electricity of our shared kiss,
Dreams unfold like petals, a wish granted by my love—the mystical,
Alliza.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Whispers of Midnight
By Michael Kofi Esson
I’d rather whisper your name as full moon looms, my darling, yet, a secret covered in mist,
I’d rather taste the nectar of your lips, the sweetest verse in the poems off my lips, as if dipped in honey—your kiss,
I’d rather be next to you, our heart whispers of secrets true: intertwined like two paper planes on a string, soaring higher and higher, a howl on a full moon,
I’d rather be looking into your eyes, deep—beauty beyond bounds of heavens high and oceans orange, warm—a whisper of midnight’s bloom,
I’d rather be holding you in a lovers embrace, under the covers of twinkling stars where God whispers of midnight’s breeze,
I’d rather be thinking of you, your words—delivered on the wings of butterflies to my ears, Cupid’s arrow pierces, whispers that echo in midnight’s atmosphere,
I’d rather be dreaming of you, a tapestry of colors woven with intricate desires—of a soul on fire,
I’d rather whisper in your ears, like coins in a wishing well, “I love you, forever,” while angels sing in choir,
I’d rather call you mine—the queen of my heart—serenaded by rising highs of violons ‘til the end of time,
But when it comes to you:
My love,
My muse,
My secret,
My dream,
My queen,
My midnight,
I’d rather love you for one more forever—
Michael Kofi Esson is a third-year medical student at MCW- Milwaukee. He was born and raised in Ghana, and migrated to the U.S at the age of 13. Although he once pleaded with his parents to keep him out of school due to his initial struggles with the English language, he now proudly thanks his parents for rightfully ignoring his pleas. As a psychology and biology major, Michael was presented with an opportunity to study literature in D.C while earning his degree. He never looked back.