Front Line Adjacent: A Reflection on being Removed from Clinical Rotations

 

From the 9/18/2020 newsletter

Student perspective

Front Line Adjacent: A Reflection on being Removed from Clinical Rotations

David Lambert - M.D. Candidate, Class of 2021

I was just over two weeks into my internal medicine clerkship when I first heard the news that medical students would be removed from rotations due to COVID-19. I was filled with a flood of emotions. I was sure by then that I wanted to go into internal medicine, so of course I was disappointed I would not be able to finish our rotation. But I was mostly sad to say goodbye to the team. In just two weeks, we had already experienced late nights, challenging call shifts and difficult cases. We had experienced a range of emotions together and formed a deep sense of trust that made them feel like more than just coworkers. These are the very elements that are important for providing quality care. These elements also made it very hard for me to say goodbye. I realized that a team that I had come to genuinely care about would be facing a global pandemic that we still knew very little about.

As our rotations moved online, my days were filled with uncertainty. Each day, we would receive updates from the school and hospitals. Everyone was trying to react, to do the right thing, and to ease our anxiety. Third-year medical students are used to adapting to changing environments-we are never in the same rotation for more than four weeks. However, moving online felt profoundly different. In some ways, I felt like an imposter-not knowing when we would see another patient made me feel like I was just pretending to be a medical student. I had become accustomed to finding ways to be helpful in my rotations and seeking every possible opportunity to learn how to be a good physician. However, now as I sat at home with my laptop in front of me watching the coronavirus numbers rise, I felt helpless. I was fearful for the world, our nation, and my colleagues in the hospitals.

As our country went on lockdown, I watched as COVID-19 cases and deaths rose. I also watched as personal protective equipment became scarce, as unemployment rates rose, and as people began to fear losing their homes or becoming evicted. In some ways, I was fortunate as a medical student. Although my education looked different, I did not need to worry about feeding a family or finding a new job. A break in my education meant my anxieties centered around whether I’d be prepared for residency, whether I was falling behind my peers, or whether I would graduate on time. However, this felt selfish compared to the experiences others in our country were facing. When we commit to medical school, we commit to the very principles that guide physicians to do right by their patients and their profession. I felt a deep sense of guilt in not being able to do anything meaningful to help my team or fight the pandemic.

After nearly three months of not seeing a real patient, I was so excited to round on my first day back. It has been incredibly special to be able to continue to see patients and be a part of the teams that lift each other up again. I feel lucky to be going into the field of medicine and this pandemic has made me prouder than ever to be working alongside the dedicated and passionate people that continue to care for patients. I am also grateful to the dedicated staff at the Medical College of Wisconsin who worked incredibly hard to help us rapidly shift our rotations and courses completely online, all while working from home and managing their own personal and family challenges. Faculty made me feel like my education was a priority, even when this was not easy to achieve. I am proud to be part of the MCW community.