Thursday, April 15, 2021

Poetry by Rhea Martin - Dear America

From the 4/16/2021 newsletter


Poetry


Rhea Martin



Dear America


I wish I felt loved by you.
I wish I felt safe being with you.
I wish I could trust the promises of hope and progress you keep saying will come.


Like any love
It is not perfect 
There is beauty as well as sorrow 
To give unconditional love means to have trust
I wish I could trust you America
But I can’t 


and what’s worse 
Is that it breaks my heart to see that people are trying
beautiful, strong, devoted people fight for you
And maybe I’m not strong enough to give 
That trust


That doesn’t mean you are hopeless
Or less beautiful and vibrant and passionate 
Nor is anywhere else going to be perfect
I’m not naive to expect more than what can be given within the current climate 
But maybe we just don’t fit 
and that’s ok
I wish nothing but the best for you


To the man who almost ran me over today
Who didn’t stop
Who didn’t look back 
To the witnesses who walked away 
To the police that drove around my neighborhood pretending to look out for the community


How dare you have the audacity to put the words “Black Lives Matter” in your yards
and in your windows 
and bumper stickers on your cars


To the one POC who witnessed what happened and gave me a ride home and said
Thank you for doing the decent, human thing
“Thank god you had good reflexes”


I know it is not a crime to be 
A women
Queer
Or Black


But America
Stop gaslighting me 

America


Being with you it’s like being with an alcoholic
I don’t know whether to be pessimistic or optimistic that recovery is in your future
There are so many programs and so many resources
Your casual slurs and liveliness at parties used to be fun
And I know I can be easily accused of not being virtuous enough to see you through and see you get better
I feel like it is on my back to make it my responsibility for you to get better


You have made it so many people's responsibility to call you out on your history and your lack of transparency of your habits habits you keep and how you destroy communities
But you are like my family
I would not be who I am without you
To have criticism does not mean I don’t see you for who you are
More
So much more than a simple word 
A moment 
A feeling 
I get so mad when others treat me better
Because I want to feel that love and acceptance 
from you


Show me I can believe in you
I want to trust you 


I want to walk down the street and feel safe
As a queer
Black 
Women
I google, safest places to live In America
Then I remember 
Back space 
Safest places for black queer women to live in America
Because there is a difference


Am I the problem
And I the problem in this relationship?
You shrug your shoulders
And I guess it depends


What am I wearing 
Where are you from
Did I say what I said the right way
Do I care too much?
Are you on your period?
Are my standards a little bit too high


I don’t know
But I’ll keeping working on things that are in my control
I am still standing today
I know about us right now, let’s take a break



Rhea Martin is a Public Ally with Public Allies MKE and an Intern with the MCW Office of Diversity and Inclusion. Rhea reflects on their relationship with America as a queer person of color. This work was shared during the Spring 2021 MedMoth event at MCW. 


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