Love in the Time of Medical School

From the December 30, 2022 issue of the Transformational Times

Perspective/Opinion

Love in the Time of Medical School

Nicholas Visser – MCW Class of 2023

Once a staple of the American social scene, swing dancing is a vigorous form of dance which requires exquisite rhythm and grace. Alternatively - as for my teenage self - it is a time in which a man can speak to a woman, providing he can keep left foot one and left foot two from colliding for a few minutes. I would like to think that night at a church fundraiser it was my comedic chops that proved myself worthy of a second date, but I have been assured it was how convinced I was that I did not look like a fool dancing the night away. In either case, it would be easy to say that the rest is history; however, there’s more to this story.

Finding one’s spouse in college is a story that has been told a thousand times. The joy of discovering freedom and responsibility. The winter break trips to each hometown, anxiously seeking parental approval. On some occasions, a shared career interest can add to the connection. In my case, a shared goal of medical school tested and formed it.

Surely, it was only a few months into dating that Anna and I become aware that we both intended to become physicians, but this desire did not weigh so heavily on our relationship until Fall 2018. I had graduated and elected to take a gap year, in part for the opportunity to apply in the same cycle. Anna was enjoying a thrilling senior year. We both had worked tirelessly on primary and secondary applications. But as interview invites were released, the dream of having the chance to study together in medical school was evaporating. As fall turned to winter, we had only two shared interviews and no shared acceptances.

The reality of having to choose between starting our lives together and both pursuing this career had become such a real possibility. In those moments – sharing long evenings discussing our values and priorities – I believe that the groundwork for a strong marriage was formed: listening and being open to working through any challenge together. Less than one week after one particularly moving discussion, I bought an engagement ring. Less than one week after that, we shared an acceptance to the Medical College of Wisconsin.

It is hard to say where we would be now had our cards not turned up so serendipitously, but I know that being willing to bet on our relationship and let career aspirations follow has strengthened rather than weakened us as individuals and as students. Focusing first on loving and serving one another has developed a habit of caring and hard work that benefits our patients and colleagues. As medical school gives way to the match, residency, and attending life, I know the rhythm of life may get more complicated, but I am confident I will be able to keep the beat with my till-death-do-us-dance partner by my side.

Nicholas Visser is a medical student at MCW-Milwaukee.

Editor's note: This essay, which originally appeared in the Transformational Time's Valentine's Day issue (2/11/2022), was one of the most popular of the year.